In the past year Jarrod and I have found ourselves so deeply connected. We hear each other. We respect each other. We appreciate each other. I have never imagined living a life so finely in tune with another human being. We have the synergy that we were trying to force for so long.
Our relationship hasn't always been so balanced. Becoming parents in high school, we found ourselves in an intense environment of stress and anxiety. Maturing into adults, growing and changing in our relationship, and raising a child amidst new responsibilities {bills, jobs, school, household duties} was a relationship death-wish. Yet here we are in pure synchronicity. How?
We realized we have so much in common. Sounds so simple, but it was truly a defining moment for us. After picking each other's brains late one night, we found out how deeply connected we are. We both felt that although we were living The American Dream, we felt unfulfilled. We were afraid that we were doing our children a disservice by living the way we were. We were afraid of living outside the norm... what would our parents say? What would our friends think? But we were most afraid of wasting time and not actually enjoying life. What an amazing feeling to find out that our secret thoughts and fears were identical!
Knowing that we are together in this has dissolved any fear of the unknown. I can honestly say that I'm not afraid of anything that comes our way or that we "stupidly" thrust ourselves into. There is not a single material thing that I wouldn't risk losing for a shot at true happiness and fulfillment with my family. Money is meaningless. Our existence is called "life." Not "big house, nice cars." Not "lots of pretty, shiny objects." Not "follow all the rules." In case you need a reality check, like I did:
Life:
- The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death
- - the origins of life
- Living things and their activity
- - some sort of life existed on Mars
- - lower forms of life
- - the ice-cream vendors were the only signs of life
- The state of being alive as a human being
- - she didn't want to die; she loved life
- - a superficial world where life revolved around the minutiae of outward appearance
- A particular type or aspect of people's existence
- - an experienced teacher will help you settle into school life
- - revelations about his private life
- Vitality, vigor, or energy
- - she was beautiful and full of life
- The existence of an individual human being or animal
- - a disaster that claimed the lives of 266 Americans
- A way of living
- - his father decided to start a new life in California
- A biography
- - a life of Shelley
- Either of the two states of a person's existence separated by death (as in Christianity and some other religious traditions)
- - too much happiness in this life could reduce the chances of salvation in the next
- Any of a number of successive existences in which a soul is held to be reincarnated (as in Hinduism and some other religious traditions)
- A chance to live after narrowly escaping death (esp. with reference to the nine lives traditionally attributed to cats)
- The period between the birth and death of a living thing, esp. a human being
- - she has lived all her life in the country
- - I want to be with you for the rest of my life
- - they became friends for life
- The period during which something inanimate or abstract continues to exist, function, or be valid
- - underlay helps to prolong the life of a carpet
- A sentence of imprisonment for life
- (in art) The depiction of a subject from a real model, rather than from an artist's imagination
- - the pose and clothing were sketched from life
- - life drawing
Number 12. says it all- The period between birth and death. So basic, yet eye opening none the less. We are all born and we will all die. Terrifying. Why is that thought so terrifying? Is it that we don't want it to end because we haven't seen or experienced or learned everything we wanted to yet? Or is it that our existence thus far has been ruled by the forces that be - bosses, clocks, bank accounts, etc., and we're resentful that we haven't had an ounce of freedom in our lives, so dying before having any sense of enjoyment or control feels like a slap in the face? For me, it's definitely both. You can tell me "That's just the way it is. You work to live. How would you feed your family or run your house otherwise?" and I'll say "I didn't ask to be born into a time of materialistic greed. I didn't ask to be seduced by the lifestyle that just 'is' now. Had living a small, simple life using my own hands to build a home and grow food for my family been a viable option when I started my semi-adult life, I would've snapped it up in a heartbeat." My eyes are wide open now though, and I'm lucky enough to have a husband {and best friend} that agrees entirely.
I'm looking forward to the changes we'll be making for our family. It's exciting and scary and wonderful to think about where our life is going. It's also sad and scary to think about what we will be leaving behind us, but in order to move on we have to learn to let go. "Progress always involves risk. You can't steal second and keep your foot on first base." -Frederick Wilcox